College Taxanomy

Winter mornings. Generally, in a few countries, that involves, snow. Nice jackets. Stoles. Boots. Winter caps.

And here I am. At 6 a.m. Standing in front of my wardrobe, wondering what shirt should I pick for college. Full sleeved. Half sleeved. A slightly warmer material. Or just a plain shirt. Given Mumbai’s temperature fluctuations similar to my mood swings, there is no way I’d pull on a jacket,or coat, or even a sweater for that matter!

Oh screw it! The slight chill’s getting to me and whose going to notice anyway! Throwing on a loose baggy T-shirt, and pulling up those jeans I make a quick run to pack my bag, grabbing the coffee cup and heading off to college.

Grey’s anatomy made drinking coffee, with a book or file in the other hand quite a thing. Very nerd-ish. But they didn’t tell you the downfalls. Those include, driving slowly, making sure you don’t spill coffee on the car seat while navigating on the Mumbai roads. Or one very infinitely annoying thing. When you walk through the hallway, with that piece of attitude in your hand, feelin’ the caffeine kick,the vapor from the mug hits your face! Bam! With that, those spectacles resting perkily on your nose, turn all foggy! Now for a few seconds I’m blind. Great!

Phew, brush off the current ‘flavor of the season, Plain-Jane’ avatar I’ve donned (its basically the only trend that I wish follow!) I entered the class. The coffee’s given my brain and my ultra chatty conscience  a good kickstart. Soon, I look around the class and begin to categorize. (It’s human tendency okay. Don’t judge!) And here’s how, like those great men classified various biological species, I come up with my own.

1) Fashionalis articulum: These, are the group of boys and girls, in the class, who take their everyday style quite seriously. Whether it is the boots that where a talk in the tinsel town, or that new hairdo that’s causing flutters in the hearts of the other fellow “mere mortals”. Makeup – on point. Shoes – On point. Hair – sleek as ever. The selfie looks good when taken from any angle (I try 500 selfies, before settling on one!) They are one reason many a times, college kids will want to believe in Taylor Swift’s ‘hunk-falls-for-the-nerd’ fantasy! You try to, but yes, you always sneakily take a peek at this gang for their styling options. At least, you don’t have to look through Vogue and Grazia then!

2) Gossipium informis : Well well well. These do a job better than paparazzi could imagine. You want to know the interesting “who’s with who”, “what happened last night”? They know it all. Right from when the tentative dates for the examinations to the insider gossip, they have their own little birdies! Their prying eyes on you will make you want to hide and never open your mouth to them. For you know, your words are going to be plastered all across the classroom, and set tongues wagging!

3) Logicarium doubtalis : You want a live example of how Wikipedia throws, weird astounding facts to your face? These kids are the human wikipedia machinery. By default. Be sure, you’ll have a quota of daily facts out of nowhere thrown at you everyday. Weird, slightly, though logically gifted, you better be prepared for a honest, apt reasoning to their doubts. Mischievous, but fun loving, they bring their own twist to the lesson plot! Otherwise, expect every doubt, thrown at you, or even the professor, to make your head spin!

4) Sincerium studentum : This category, PROBABLY, includes me. Those first benchers, right under the teachers nose, scribbling notes at break-neck speed, almost sending seismic vibrations throughout the desk! If you’ve ever missed class, ask them for notes. I bet, they’ll have it! Generally characterized as the nerds of the class, you could never know if they are just funny, mischievous behind those glasses until you make friends with them. Keeping class records, circulating notes, tutoring last minute, these re the ones who’ll you’ll have to make a bee-line for before the exams.

In between my pathetically bad reverie and classification (which could probably extend given extra time to waste) I hear a sharp “Okay now! Settle down!” Its time for the books to take some of that space on the desk. Quickly stuffing my coffee mug back into my bag, I take a quick look at the class, through my glasses perched onto my nose.

This is it. These ‘genera’ are what makes up ‘Kingdom Studentae’. Each of them, with their own features, own short comings and own strengths. But science can get tangled. And so do these groups. And so, even while you might belong to a whole category, you’ll find them standing by you. And while you might be worried, if you’ll ever fit in, here’s the thing, science will get you there. You’ll always find yourself in a pretty good place! 🙂